Find Your Weaknesses and Address Them

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 21:39:05 GMT

The other day I posted an entry in my blog All Things about the need for managers to compensate for weaknesses, whether in individual employees, their organization, or their products. I try to avoid talking about family and home too much on All Things, but this advice applies equally within a household as well.

As I noted, we all have weaknesses; in fact, people with the strongest strengths often have the most glaring weaknesses, such as the stereotypical brainy but absent-minded professor who can't match his clothes. There's a story about Albert Einstein, for example, that after pausing to talk to someone he met along his walk on campus, he asked them which way he had been coming from. They told him, and then he explained, "OK, that means I already had lunch."

Of course, many weaknesses aren't so charming, and it can be especially tough being around people with glaring weaknesses that they take "pride" in as strengths, e.g. the "straightforward" person who is open with and critical of everyone. In any case, we must all take time to identify, perhaps with the help of others - spouse and teenage children are especially well-qualified for this job - our own particular weak areas.

Most people know this much, even if they don't do much about it. But what I want to point out is that the same thing is true of organizations, and so families. You need to do an assessment of your family's particular skills and talents and see what's missing.

In our family, the big glaring weakness is cooking. Susan loves clothes and sewing, to take care of the house (not that there's much time for that), and is very efficient at home school and various other necessary things. We're both pretty organized about money and records, and so split that up (I handle taxes, she does most of the insurance and medical appointments), I handle the cars, and we both work on the house, though she likes it a lot more than I do!

All in all, between the two of us we've got most bases covered, but neither one of us is that great at cooking. Of course, after two decades we've learned to do it, both fairly well, but the point is cooking really makes us tired. That's often a good way to pinpoint a strength or weakness - if you get a lot of energy from something (and/or can do it quickly and well), it's likely a strength, whereas if it just tires you out or makes you very uncomfortable it's likely an area of weakness.

While some people can throw together a party for a bunch of people, cooking and serving half the night and have a blast, that is not the case with Susan and me, so we have to shore up the cooking area by applying more resources toward it. In other words, we apply more generosity in this area in order to compensate for our weakness in it, just like someone who is really bad at fixing cars might just buy a new one every so often. In our case, we eat out a fair amount, get take-out at times, and get the kids to help with the cooking as much as possible (some of the younger ones actually like to do it, so there's hope down the line).

In our areas of strength, we can get away with being more frugal. Susan is great at finding inexpensive clothes for the kids. Of course, this is probably easier since we live near a big city, but she can go through a store full of clothes and find the few things that are really nice but inexpensive, just like a good mechanic could find a bargain on a used car. On the other hand, someone who is terrible at clothes would probably find it worth it just to pay more to get it over with and not have to hassle with getting something that goes together, etc.

Whatever you and your spouse's weaknesses are, it's important to simply accept it rather than be in denial or get critical about it. Once a mechanism is put in place to compensate for one's weaknesses, anyone will be a lot more relaxed and look a lot more like a winner.

There are a few particularly common weak areas that can have some really debilitating effects if left unaddressed. Some people are just really bad at handling money, for example, and need to be put on a budget. Other folks desperately need help with organizing (Julia Morgenstern's books might be a good place to start for the seriously organization-challenged!).

A lot of dads (and maybe some moms) really aren't that good with kids, and so may need to make an extra effort to put their family in an environment where they can feel comfortable spending time with their children. This might mean allocating regular time for trips to the park or sports, and extra money for more elaborate vacations, such as to Disney World, or simply for a trip to Chuck E. Cheese's.

Whatever it is, it's not a big deal once it's been compensated for. Perhaps the most extreme case I ever read about was some guy (hundreds of years ago, I think) who went nuts at night, so he and the town finally worked out an arrangement where he checked into the jail every evening! Maybe a strange way to compensate, but it worked and I guess he and the town both did a lot better. Our families will likewise experience a lot less stress if we address our weak areas.

By the way, it's also just as important to appreciate each other's strengths. There's a lot of families where the wife is just better at being organized and handling money, for example. If that's the case, then let her do it. No one should feel like they have to do everything and run everything. That's more like a tyranny than a family.

Finally, you need to be careful about handling other people's perceptions. Everyone was raised in different living standards, and some people will think being generous in one area is very frivolous, while they may seem just as frivolous in the way they spend in some other area. Even whole cultures have different priorities. To Chinese and Italians, for instance, food is very important, and they tend to spend more generously in those areas. Just make sure you are applying some generosity in your own areas of weakness, regardless of what others think.

Light Side: Lifestyle

Find Your Weaknesses and Address Them